All joking aside, I discovered more fully yesterday the extent to which childhood (and even teenage) fantasies and my love of magical books correlated to my connection with Paganism.
In youth, I had an imaginary friend. Actually, that's an understatement: I had many imaginary friends. Part of this was likely as not due to my lack of actual friends, but the individual of which I will specifically write today went quite a bit beyond a simple psychological need for company.
Envision, if you will, a blonde-haired girl wearing all blue - a blue dress, cape, gloves, mask, etc. She also happens to wear boots emblazoned with a lightning bolt. This is Polaris, named for the North Star, and she was, in many ways, more real to me in childhood than my family or classmates. I recall a six-year-old me describing her as "a superhero who can do anything", though she has a certain affinity for lightning, and she flew around the universe in a small red spaceship rescuing the innocent from less wholesome alien creatures. Now hold that thought.
Flash forward about ten years, and take a look at my sketchbooks - Polaris is gone, but not gone, just morphed: now she is an older girl, still blonde, and still in a blue dress, only she's lost the mask, the gloves, and the boots. Her name is Aurora, and her powers are somewhat more limited than Polaris', dealing solely with the elements, lightning still being her favorite. Was this intentional on my part? Not in the slightest. Only yesterday, in the middle of the meditation I was doing for my Beltane ritual, did this occur to me.
This was, by itself, an intriguing personal insight into my psychology, but perhaps more significant was the realization that came immediately after this: Polaris was the manifestation of Goddess in my life as a little one. Think about it - an all-powerful Maiden who uses her magical powers for the benefit of others. I know for a fact that I connected more with my imaginary friend than I did with the vague, unknowable god that was discussed at church. It's hard to describe the emotional impact of this insight in words, but as I was meditating and realized this, I was physically stunned. To think that even as a tiny little girl, the Lady was reaching out to me? I mean, that's just incredible.
As for Aurora, I created her after my introduction to Paganism, so perhaps it's less surprising that her character is elementally inclined and whatnot, but still it was interesting to examine because I found she was sort of the personification of the way that I see Goddess in myself. After all, I see all people as having some piece of the Divine in them, and Aurora, I suppose, is how I might draw that energy appearing.
Has anyone else had an experience like that? I'd love to hear about it!
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