July 14th, 2014

This may be about to qualify as the worst week of the summer. It's that time of year again, ladies and gentlemen - the dreaded Vacation Bible School week.
Even when I was a cute little Christian girl who wore dresses to church every Sunday, I hated it: the campy songs, the pointless recreational games, and the (frankly bizarre) skits. Now that I've graduated the program itself to having to volunteer as a teen helper it's gotten marginally better, especially since I can just help in the arts and crafts room all morning, but the fact remains that there's overly-catchy VBS songs playing on a loop the whole three hours, and I have to stand there watching cute kids make cute crafts and then tell them that they're supposed to ruin what would otherwise be a nice project by plastering "I heart Jesus" on it.
Don't get me wrong: I wholeheartedly support religious freedom in this country and likewise understand that Christian parents feel it is important to see their kids brought up in the church. On the other hand, my mom is well aware of the fact that I don't do the whole Christianity thing, and I still have to do VBS in the summer and teach Sunday School during the school year. I do my best to humor her, but after fifteen years, it's gotten a little old.
Usually, I can sort of muscle my way past the gag reflex because often the crafts are at least fun and can be made in such a way that you don't have to glue the pink glittery crucifixes all over them. In the past, I've ended up taking the VBS crafts and making things like a divination cloth, a hanging lantern for an electric candle, an offering basket for my Mabon altar, and the like.
This year, on the other hand, all the items in question look like they're going to be kitschy projects that are fun for six-year-olds for the five minutes after they get home before they get abandoned in the closet for the next evolutionary age. There's one thing that looks suspiciously like a prayer bead bracelet that may be redeemable, but after an entire morning of foam monkeys saying, "God's love is GIVING!!!", I'm about ready to hand in the towel.